She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
