i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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