You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize