didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
