i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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