I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
