My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So much rum. So many feels.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
