I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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