When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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