When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize