Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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