OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
