oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
