just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
