I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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