I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
