Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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