Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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