So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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