I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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