I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
