More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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