I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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