why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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