Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
