I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
