May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize