I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
