She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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