Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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