i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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