Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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