Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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