MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize