If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
