I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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