Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
