she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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