Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
