I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
