i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
