Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have post one night stand depression
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