What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize