Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize