Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
