Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
