My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
