making cat noises will not fix the situation.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The ass gains better be worth it
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