we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
