Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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