Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
