I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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