trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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