He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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