It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
