Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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