"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
