I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
