Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
