im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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