I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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