God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
