Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
