OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
there is glitter all over my balls
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
