buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
