She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
