New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
worst night to have a conscience
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
