Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
