Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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