I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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