I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
