He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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