They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
