I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
