So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize