So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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